


Worst Laid Plans

by rayisokay



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura and Shiro are smitten, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Demisexuality, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Lance is the ultimate wingman, No actual sex happens, Plot Twists, Public Display of Affection, Sex Talk, Sloppy Makeouts, Slow Build, Well just one at the very end of the fic i think, hunk is smart, we shall see how this plays out heh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:46:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayisokay/pseuds/rayisokay
Summary: Pidge and Keith are sick of seeing their friends and leaders dance around each other. Their googly eyes are obviously mutual, and if Shiro and Allura would just stop being so oblivious, things would be fine.Obviously, they just have to show them that relationships among crew mates can work out just fine.





	1. The Plan

Some things were best left to nature. You couldn't tell a flower when to bloom, or a lion when to roar. But other things needed a little push. Pidge was certain that the relationship between Allura and Shiro was one of those things.

Keith found Pidge pacing one of the castle's halls and muttering to herself. He couldn't hear what she was saying, as her footsteps were louder than her words, but she looked downright scary; her eyebrows were furrowed, she seemed to be counting something on her fingers, and every few seconds she'd shake her head as if she just had the most stupid idea.

“Um. Pidge?”

She screamed, jolted, and looked at him over her shoulder. “Keith! Don't sneak up on me like that!”

“But… I've been here for five minutes,” he told her. “You looked straight at me at least three times.”

A quiet sigh filled the empty hallway, and she looked at him over her lenses. “I'm sorry. I just haven't found the right way to go about this.”

“Go about what?”

“Shiro. He's so… whipped! For Allura, I mean. If he keeps up those googly eyes, they're gonna fall right out of his head one day.”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I've seen Allura looking at him real special lately.”

“They should just get it over and kiss already! And I am this close to having Coran find me a space equivalent of mistletoe.” She held her thumb and index finger as close as she could without them touching, and the look in her eye told him that she was serious.

“I do love me some mistletoe!” The two heard Lance before they saw him. He came strolling towards them with a large grin. “But you two are going about this all wrong.”

Keith raised an eyebrow. “When did you even get here?”

“Right around when Pidge looked ready to combust.”

“That's… not specific.”

Lance only grinned and winked. Then he continued. “Anyways. As much as I love mistletoe, it's only spring on Earth. And I don't think just getting them to kiss is the solution. They need to know it's okay to be in a relationship on this crew.”

“Lance is right,” Keith said. “But you sound like you have an idea.”

“Why, I do! Thank you for asking.” He bowed, and smiled as if he was about to show them the location of the holy grail. “You see, what better way to demonstrate that romance is okay than for there to be another couple in the crew?”

“Something tells me they won't believe that you and Keith are suddenly in love with each other, Lance,” Pidge said, arms crossed.

“What?” he sputtered. “No! That's not where I was going at all.”

“Then where _were_ you going?” She raised an eyebrow, urging him on.

“For you and Keith to pretend to date!” He presented the idea as if it was the cure to cancer. Keith and Pidge had a different opinion.

“That's just ridiculous.”

“What are you, crazy?” Pidge practically screeched.

“Come _on_ , it's brilliant!” He held up his fingers to list his arguments. “You guys are both the arms of Voltron. You work great together on missions. You both have weird hair.”

At that, the two both reached a hand to their hair as if to shield it from his words. Keith, not bothering to hear any more, turned on his heel to leave.

“You've gone mad,” Pidge declared, and followed after Keith. Over her shoulder, she called, “And I still think my mistletoe idea is better.”

Lance scoffed at his friends’ betrayal. “You guys are the color of mistletoe!”

 

* * *

 

Dinner was awful.

At the last planet they visited, Hunk had found some vegetable that tasted suspiciously like tomatoes, and he had somehow managed to whip up alien spaghetti with the green goo. Spaghetti had been one of Pidge's favorite meals at home, especially with her mom's homemade sauce. The team's last mission had gone great, and they had successfully freed another planet from Zarkon reign. The alien race in question had treated them to enough food from their planet to feed an army. Hunk had been ecstatic.

And Allura would not stop giggling at Shiro's quips.

“I think they gave us most of their food supply. At least Zarkon won't be the one to steal it from them anymore.”

“Oh Shiro! That is a funny thought.”

Pidge wanted to barf up all of her green noodles. She looked at Keith next to her, and made a gagging motion. He only nodded in agreement.

After dinner, Pidge was back to fretting. Lance and Keith had followed her; one to make sure she wouldn't end up hurting herself, and the other to watch the show.

“If they don't stop flirting, I might scream like a kid throwing a tantrum.”

“I don't know Pidge, right now you're quite-”

“ _Don't._  Finish that sentence Lance,” she demanded with a finger to his chest.

He raised his hands in surrender, and his voice raised in pitch. “Wasn't going to.”

Keith brought their attention back to the issue at hand. “You still think we should do something about them?”

“Space mistletoe.”

“You guys date.”

Their voices overlapped, and Pidge sent a glare up his way. “It would never work.”

“Look. Would you rather them kiss once and be even _more_ jittery around each other, or finally date and get past that honeymoon stage in the privacy of their rooms?” His eyebrow cocked up at the second option, and it was clear to what he was referring.

“Lance, ew! _Not_ an image I needed.”

“He's still got a point,” Keith said. “It's better for all of us if they just start dating.”

“That's what I've been saying this whole time!”

“Keith, are you really agreeing with this idiocy?”

“I'm just saying, it's worth a shot.”

“Yes! Two verses one now, Pidge.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” she muttered under her breath. Finally, she looked up at Keith. “Here's the deal. Small things: hand holding, fake googly eyes, and maybe - _maybe_ \- kisses _not_ on the mouth.”

“Aw, come on! You've gotta sell it more than that! Couples kiss on the mouth. Maybe add a little t-”

“Not another word, Lance.”

“Lance, that's just gross,” Keith added. “Your rules are just fine, Pidge.”

“Alright then. I've _got_ to get some sleep,” she said, urgently wanting to forget what she just agreed to. “This starts tomorrow at breakfast.”

“Okay. Goodnight. I should get some training in before bed. I'll see you guys in the morning.”

“Have sweet dreams of each other!”

“Shut up, Lance,” Keith said without bothering to turn around.

With a resigned sigh and tired eyes, Pidge made her way to her room. “What have we gotten ourselves into?”


	2. Set in Motion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast happens.   
> Some things go smoothly. Some things don't.

On Earth, Keith rose with the sun. That wasn't quite possible on a ship galaxies away from any recognizable star. Somehow though, his body remembered, and he woke up long before the team would meet for breakfast. It gave him more than plenty of time to think about the course of action he could take with Pidge. But Keith was a person of action. 

He knew Pidge wouldn't wake up until it was absolutely necessary, so he couldn't just discuss with her. And frankly, he wouldn't know how to bring it up. Something like,  _ “Hey, because it's our first day as a fake couple, what should I do to sell this all the way without giving you a reason to punch me in the gut?” _ wouldn't quite fly. 

So, he went to the training deck instead. He had come to discover that punching alien robots was a great stress reliever. 

By the time breakfast had rolled around, Keith had long since worked up a sweat. He had managed to cool down from his workout, but his heart wouldn't stop pounding. 

When he saw Pidge, he realized that he still had no idea how to act. After a beat, Keith took his usual seat, grateful that they were at least already next to each other. He didn't miss the way Lance shot the two of them a wink to urge them on. 

Pidge glanced up at Keith from the corner of her eye, and he even caught a distressed smile. So she didn't forget their situation. 

He figured neither of them would make the first move at that rate though. One hand was clenched under the table, and the other lied on Pidge's shoulder. His throat tightened; even the smallest physical contact felt strange to the boy who had been alone for so long. 

_ It's now or never _ , he internally chanted to himself. Eyes shut, he leaned down to plant a kiss on her temple and whisper, “Good morning,” into her hair. 

Pidge tensed, obviously caught off guard, and he knew he was blushing. Not only was physical affection foreign to him, but it was downright  _ embarrassing _ .

But she recovered quicker than he did. “Good morning,” was mumbled back at him as she slumped against his shoulder with a grogginess that couldn't be faked. 

Hunk nearly spit out his breakfast at the exchange. Coran didn't seem to think anything of it, and Allura just tilted her head. Shiro raised his eyebrows at the pair and nodded once to himself, but said nothing. And Lance looked downright impressed. 

But it must've not been enough for him. He just had to open his big fat mouth. “Aww, you guys,” he cooed. “This is new. What brings on this lovey dovey atmosphere I'm sensing?”

Keith's jaw clenched as he made a note to strangle him later. But at the moment, he had a front to uphold. “Well, um,” he started. “Pidge and I are dating.”

There. He wouldn't be getting any rewards for eloquence, but it got the job done. The news, however false, was out in the open. He only wished he could breathe easy, but he wasn't given that luxury yet. He wouldn't get it until the whole charade was over and done. 

“How long has this been going on?” Shiro had the tone of a father who had just caught some boy straddling his daughter on the couch, with an eager hand up her shirt. Well. He wasn't  _ angry _ , per se. But Keith felt the sweat chill on his neck just the same. 

“Just about a week.” The answer came quickly, to avoid the possibility that Pidge would say anything different. He kept himself from adding “sir,” to the end of his sentences. 

“We didn't say anything earlier because we wanted to keep things on the down low,” Pidge added, surely to solidify their story. “I don't like my personal life being such a focus, you know? And our relationship didn't seem that important to defeating Zarkon. So, um. Surprise?”

“Not to pry, but… why?”  _ Crap, crap, crap.  _ Shiro didn't seem convinced. “This seems kind of… out of nowhere.” 

“Have you  _ seen _ Keith on the training deck? That sight is a blessing,” Pidge said. Her voice was too tight to sound genuine, and he hoped as hard as he could that the team would chalk it up to her embarrassment. It was embarrassing for teenage girls to admit their attraction to someone, right? He wasn't entirely sure where she was going, but he was grateful, if anything, that she was talking instead of him. 

Still, Keith found his ears turning even redder than before. He shot a glare at Lance, who was silently laughing behind his hand. That boy was  _ definitely  _ going to die during their next group training session.  

Pidge wasn't finished, and continued her fake declaration of… whatever it was they were supposed to be sharing. “But it's not just looks he has going for him. He's a really talented fighter. His care for his lion and the rest of us is obvious. And it feels good to have that care directed right at me.” She finished with a smile that was small, shy, and giddy even. 

Keith wanted to stop right there to give the girl a medal. He wasn't sure he'd be able to top her acting. “Um, yeah. I can't help how I feel, you know?” His voice cracked like he was just entering puberty. He cleared his throat, which had quickly dried out in his anxiousness, and tried to redeem his earlier attempts. “And Pidge is, well. She's Pidge. Adorable, and brilliant.”

As if that was any better. His words were choppy, his voice rough, and he certainly sounded like a fibbing child at that point. 

He didn't want to look up. His friends weren't stupid. Surely they could spot a lie that big at the first, painfully hesitant touch. 

Finally though, he did. And he nearly choked on his own spit at the sight. 

Allura had her hands clasped above her heart with her eyes wide, and her smile even wider. “Oh, this is wonderful news,” she gushed enthusiastically. Turning to the paladin closest to her, she continued. “Don't you think so, Shiro? Goodness, you two make an adorable couple!” 

“Right,” Lance said, looking all too pleased with himself. He leaned back in his chair leisurely, with his hands resting behind his head. Pointed glances were given to Allura and Shiro while he spoke. “I do think romance is a beautiful thing. It's always best that two people, when desperately in love, are open with each other about it. I'm so glad that my precious friends found each other when they did. I just don't know what they'd do without each other.” 

“Well of course,” Allura agreed readily. She looked at the decoys once again. “That's why I'm so excited for you two.” 

“My, this brings me back,” Coran said with a gleam in his eye. “I remember when the paladins of old traveled to the planet of Tars. Those poor Tarsians were more colorblind than my Uncle Humphrey. They mixed up the red and green paladins so much, they thought they were twins!” 

Keith frowned, and found his eyebrows raising at Coran’s story. “What- what does that have to do with us?” 

“Oh, not much! I can just imagine what the Tarsians would think if they saw the red and green paladins kissing! The little fellows would probably drop of shock. On that note —  _ do _ humans kiss as a form of intimacy?”

Even Lance had to raise his eyebrows at where the conversation had led. 

Keith sputtered. He choked. If he'd been able to eat his breakfast in the first place, it would have been spit right back out. “Um,” he squeaked. His voice was much too airy. “Yeah, humans, we uh… we k-kiss.” 

He hoped that Coran would take the we to mean, “we as humans,” and not, “we, Pidge and I, as a couple.” And then he remembered that it didn't matter which way he took it. They were  _ supposed _ to be a couple. Couples kissed. It was normal. 

“Oh, that is quite fascinating! To think that such a thing would transcend so far across the universe…” Coran went on, and surely wouldn't stop until the meal was over. 

The crew switched to speaking about cultural nuances instead of the newest couple. Keith felt that he could breathe again.

With the attention off of him and Pidge, he finally looked back down at her. Her shoulders were still tensed, much like his own. She had her eyes closed and a hand over her moving chest, most likely trying to calm a frantic heartbeat. He almost wanted to do the same.

 

* * *

 

 

Pidge was expecting Keith to stop by her room any second. She had overheard Lance telling him, “Any good boyfriend would gladly walk his lady to their shared training session. And, it gives you a million chances to show off your… closeness.” 

She shuddered at the connotations. But he was right. Showing up at the training deck together would make a statement. 

Sure enough, a short knock came to her door not a minute later. “Pidge?” His voice called into the room hesitantly. “It's me, Keith.” 

“Coming,” she mumbled, though she knew he wouldn't hear her through the thick walls. The door slid open to reveal Keith, also dressed in his paladin armor. 

“Hey,” he said quietly. "I thought I should probably walk you to training. I mean- that maybe we could walk together. You know, as a- uh, as a couple.” 

“Right.” She took a shaky breath, but steadied her shoulders. “Yeah, let's do this.”

They walked side by side in silence for several moments. But friends walked together all the time. She went to hold his hand and the reaction was instant. He recoiled from her, and she heard the breath get caught in his throat. 

Pidge tried not to cringe. She knew exactly how he felt, and wanted to flinch away in the same way he had. But getting caught in such a lie seemed to be a fate worse than holding hands. 

“I'm sorry. Is this okay?” She looked up at him, but his head was turned. 

“No, I'm sorry. This is fine. I'm just not used to… this.” 

“Hey,” she said softly. Her hands reached to his shoulders to stop him. She walked in front of him; she needed to talk to his face, not his turned cheek. “That's okay. I'm not either. I'm pretty sure the closest I've come to holding someone’s hand was that day with the Altean handcuffs.” 

A soft, barely there laugh came from his lips, and Pidge smiled. At least something good could happen out of this odd, backwards lie they'd already twisted themselves into. 

“So. Are we doing this?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, we can do this. For Shiro and Allura.” 

“For Shiro and Allura,” she echoed. Her voice was quiet, but sure. It felt like a sort of battle cry between just the two of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! A huge thank you to k-lionheart for letting me ramble on about the story, and for being a pseudo beta as well.   
> Come talk to me on tumblr @rayisokay


	3. Suspicions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An enlightening conversation about tamagotchi occurs, and Shiro sees something he maybe shouldn't have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so so much!! The support and response already has been so overwhelming. It makes me happy to see so many people loving this ship!  
> Enjoy ☆

The unmistakable sound of a paladin hitting an invisible wall was the first thing Keith heard when he and Pidge got to the training deck. The two of them had been the last to arrive. Still, after a delay of several minutes, they managed to make it hand in hand. A training session had obviously begun without them; they turned a corner onto the main floor just in time to see Hunk fall on his back, having collided with one of the ship's invisible walls. 

He shouted at the unseen paladin above, who'd undoubtedly forgotten to tell him about the sharp left he'd been approaching. “Lance!”

“Sorry Hunk! I got distracted,” came a voice from around them, distorted by the speakers. 

“Yeah? Distracted by what?” Hunk looked around, most likely checking if Allura had decided to check up on them. Then, he landed on Keith and Pidge. His eyes shifted down to their intertwined hands, up to each of their faces, and back down to their hands again. “Oh. By that.” 

Keith instinctively gripped her hand tighter —  they were in this together — and cleared his throat. “Sorry we're late.” 

“Oh no, take all the time you nee-”

“ _ Lance,”  _ Shiro cut him off. 

Keith felt his body warming rapidly, and they hadn't even gotten to physical training yet. Against his will, his mind flashed to the image that Lance had so readily implied: he and Pidge, alone in the ship's corridors, with their limbs entangled, forgetting about the time as their lips- 

“Right. Welcome to the party, guys!” 

“Sorry again, Shiro,” Keith said, pointedly ignoring Lance as he and Pidge walked further into the training deck. He hoped no one saw the shudder that traveled up his spine; nobody else had to know how repulsed he was at the mere thought of engaging in such… things, with someone he saw as just a friend. They weren't supposed to be “just friends” to the rest of the crew. If only for the sake of Shiro, he had to make it seem like the very image he hated was happening just moments before. “Pidge and I just got a bit… caught up. It definitely won't happen again.”

“Good to hear it. Now. Hunk, you come on up here. You'll be guiding me and Lance through the maze from opposite sides. Keith, Pidge, you two spar each other in the meantime.” 

A murmur of everyone's understanding was passed around the deck. 

Lance, on the way to his station, passed the couple. He made a point of wiggling his eyebrows at the two. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.”

Keith pondered for a moment. “I don't think that's much though.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Ew, Lance!” Pidge groaned. Her face twisted into visible discomfort, and he wondered if she was just as grossed out as he was at the things Lance had hinted at all morning. 

He didn't get to find out. Just a moment later, her face was back to normal. Business as usual. 

With a voice command to start a program with no dummy, the sparring ring sounded with a beep. Their first round had begun. 

It wasn't the first time the two had sparred each other, but it was the first time they'd done so as a supposed couple. Keith figured nothing should change the way they fought. While he was significantly taller than Pidge, the two of them were still small for their ages, and fast. Neither one of them got a noticeable upper hand until the very end of a given round. Even then, each victory was by a margin. They sparred as they normally would, and he could almost forget that they were supposed to be a couple. Almost. 

 

* * *

 

 

Pidge worried. Really, she worried about a lot of things: her family, her dog, her excessive sweating, and the frightening lack of things like cookies and tampons in space. But her most recent concern was Keith. 

He never spoke about what he felt; as her partner in their brand new endeavor, it was unnerving. She wanted to know what he thought when he called her adorable at breakfast, but flinched from her touch, or how he managed to keep a straight face while Lance practically screamed to their teammates that they were surely groping each other in the hallways. She'd had to hide her own grimace in her hand at that. But Keith had just stared ahead. 

Pidge realized her hypocrisy almost immediately. She was the most private person she knew, and yet here she was, wanting the guy to talk about his  _ feelings  _ or something. Usually, Pidge had to be approached for conversation. But this was an emergency. She couldn't pretend to be in love with him and not know how he really felt.

Before she knew it, Pidge had stopped in front of Keith's room. And suddenly she didn't feel so determined. His feelings could wait until tomorrow, when they would be seeing each other anyways at breakfast, or team meetings and the like. She found herself pacing the hall directly outside his door, stuck in an argument with herself. She should knock. No, waiting would be less work. But she was already right there and-

“Whoa!” A hand landed heavily on her shoulder and she looked up to see an unsteady Keith, who'd nearly walked straight into her. “Pidge? What are you doing here?” 

“Oh- hi, Keith…” She had no idea what she was going to say. She didn't have a plan to begin with, and with him there, looking at her expectantly, her brain froze. “I was just thinking we- could uh- talk?” 

Talk. Well of course. What else would she be doing, pacing outside his door in the late hours? Planning his demise?  _ Smooth, Pidge,  _ she scolded herself. 

“Oh, alright. Talk about what?” 

It was then that Pidge realized something was horribly wrong. Keith wasn't dressed. He wasn't naked, thank God, but he only had pants on, and around his bare shoulders was a towel. That wasn't normal attire for anyone. 

“Nothing important, really.” She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. “Where were you going?”

“I just needed a shower,” he answered and rose an eyebrow. Of course he was confused; she was acting weirder than normal. But he said nothing of it, and instead invited her to walk with him. “If you weren't busy, or anything.” 

“Nope,” Pidge muttered, more to herself. “No plans at all.” 

They walked in silence for a while, and Pidge couldn't stop fidgeting with her fingers. Something had to be said; she didn't spend all that for nothing. “So, Keith. What… video games did you like?” 

Even Keith had to raise an eyebrow at that. She sounded like she was talking to him about the weather, and small talk never was in her skill set. 

“I never really had the time for video games back on Earth,” he said anyways, humoring her. “I did have a tamagotchi when I was —  I don't know — eight?” 

Pidge couldn't help the laugh that sputtered from her lips. “You? With a tamagotchi? I can't see it.” 

“Okay, I only had one, and it barely survived a week.” 

“Mine never lasted even that long.” 

As the two headed to the showers, Shiro passed them, likely having just come from there himself.

“Hey, Shiro,” Keith said nonchalantly. 

Men really seemed to think nothing of modesty before or after a shower. Shiro said nothing about Keith's lack of shirt; he only greeted the two in return. Pidge moved closer to Keith to make way for him. After tripping over her own feet, her shoulder ended up against Keith's side, and he grabbed her waist to steady her; the closeness wasn't bad, though she'd have rather forgotten the stumble itself. She looked over her shoulder. The coast had to be clear for them to move apart. Before turning around, she caught Shiro's own stare back at them. The curious crease of his eyebrows only made Pidge sweat.

 

* * *

 

 

Something was very off. Hunk had barely known Keith for more than a few weeks, but Pidge, he'd known for nearly a year. And the Pidge he knew would never gush about how hot a sweaty boy was. Of course, up until a few weeks prior, the Pidge he knew wasn't attracted to boys in the first place. 

Still, Hunk liked to pride himself in his observation skills — he  _ was _ the one to point out the fishy behavior of Rolo and Nyma — and his friends were acting  _ weird.  _ Lance seemed nothing but supportive of the newly developed crew romance; but in his own opinion, those two seemed the least likely to reveal feelings for each other, romantic or otherwise. They were too jumpy around each other. Maybe it was simply a part of their honeymoon phase. 

Either way, something was going on, and Hunk wanted to know what. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll find that I still have no idea how these kids are supposed to get running water in space.  
> Also, I have the next chapter planned in bullet points.


	4. Support System

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's episode: Shiro is a pure soul and Lance is smarter than everyone thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The teen rating comes more into play in this chapter, but maybe not in the way you think.

Sex ed was not Shiro's favorite subject. In fact, he never could get through a single lesson without turning completely red. It didn't matter if the topic was pregnancy, periods, or condoms; nothing could ever be as awkward to a shy middle schooler than talking about what was underneath the belt. 

Except this was  _ far  _ worse. And besides the two teenagers in question, he might have been the only one on the ship who knew what was happening. Because if his time at the Garrison taught him anything, it was that a young couple walking to the showers together could only mean one thing — especially if they were walking as closely as those two had been the night before. Pidge had positively leaned into Keith, and he'd held onto her just the same. They'd been nervous at his appearance; something was happening between them that he wasn't supposed to know about. 

Shiro didn't think condoms would be found on the ship, but young and in love didn't usually think about safe sex, did it? Crap. 

He was going to have to have a  _ talk _ with Pidge and Keith. 

Each paladin’s room looked the same. Their doors were identical too, Pidge realized as she stood outside of Lance’s, poised to knock. This time, she was able to do so. 

He opened not a second later, and she thought with a huff that he could have at least  _ tried _ to look startled at her appearance. He grinned as widely as his skin allowed, and swept his free arm behind him, welcoming her. “Pidge! Buddy, pal, comrade — come on in!” 

Pidge had been into the “blue paladin chambers,” as he liked to call it, several tines. Each time she did, the first thing she noted was that his room looked nothing like the one he shared with Hunk at the Garrison. On Earth, he had movie posters, comic books, and several photos from home, which he constantly eyed fondly. In comparison, this room was bare. 

Still, he led her inside openly, as he did every time, and his smile disappeared, in turn, for a focused gaze. She never was good with eye contact. 

“I know you don't come to me unless you need to smuggle some civilian stuff on base or something, which isn't really an option up here.” He didn't leave room for pleasantries once they were inside. Pidge knew he wasn't upset — she knew how that looked too — but his frown unsettled her. 

“So,” he continued. “Talk to me.” 

“I don't know what to say.”

“But you  _ do  _ have a problem, right?” 

“Yes- well, no. I don't think so?” Pidge averted her eyes and waved her hands as if they would help her speak. “Okay, I guess I do have a problem,” she admitted. “It's about Keith.”

“And?” Lance raised an eyebrow. 

“He doesn't talk much? And that's not a problem! I just have no idea how he's feeling. And when we're supposed to be some crazy for each other couple…  _ that's  _ the problem.” 

“Pidge Gunderson, asking me about feelings?” 

He wasn't wrong. She glared at him, but had nothing to defend herself. At a loss, she pointed out, “That's not my real name.”

“Maybe,” he shrugged, “but something tells me you aren't revealing that to us any time soon. So Pidge it is.” 

“Fine,” she huffed. “Yes, I'm asking about  _ feelings.  _ I do actually care if the guy is okay with this screwed up plan of yours.” 

“Well if you ask me-”

“I am.” 

“Yes. Anyways. If you ask me, you should just ask the guy what he thinks about this whole thing. He didn't seem to have a problem with it yesterday. Or the night before, when he saw my genius before you did, I might add.” 

“I tried that already.” Pidge went on to describe her horribly failed attempt to talk to Keith. 

Lance sputtered a laugh as she spoke. “Video games? Really, Pidge?” 

“I know, I know. Why don't I just ask him about the weather while I'm at it.” 

“Hey, that's fine. Time spent with him is time that you guys are effectively a couple. We can't complain about that.” He held his hands up by his shoulders. It didn't have the calming effect he hoped it had. “Still, coming clean is your best option.”

“You're right, I guess,” Pidge sighed. “It's just so hard to talk to him.”

“Is it really?” 

“Not for you, maybe. But you always say what's on your mind.”

“Yeah, and regret it later.”

“Not helping.” 

“Sorry. Right. But you usually don't have any qualms about speaking your mind either. I don't think you'll regret talking to him. At least this once.” 

Pidge looked away and crossed her arms. Her face softened as she went over everything he'd just said. “Fine. I'll talk to him. But if this backfires, I'm blaming you.”

Hands raised in surrender, Lance grinned at her back. “Not a problem.”

The castle of lions was vast. Shiro hadn't been many places larger than it, except perhaps the Galaxy Garrison or any Galra ship. The hallways seemed endless, and yet there always appeared to be space for one more room. Still, Keith was never all that difficult to find. 

The first place he looked was his room. Instead of Keith though, he found Pidge, idly in front of his door. 

“Oh-” She interrupted herself to face him, and the jolt made her glasses slide awkwardly down her nose. She pushed them up and spoke again. “Shiro, hi. I wasn't expecting you here.” 

“Neither was I,” he said, sparing her a questioning gaze. 

“I was just gonna-” Pidge paused again, and Shiro wondered what she was really going to do, alone with her boyfriend in his room. “Talk. With Keith. But you must need to see him more than me right now, so I'm gonna go.”

“Hold on, now.” He grabbed her shoulder as she turned to retreat. “You can come with me. I needed to talk to you too.” 

She froze under his hand, and he wondered if her eyes would get even wider than her lenses. “Is that really ne-” 

“Yes.” Shiro knocked firmly on the door. 

“Hey, Shiro,” Keith said in sync with the swoosh of his door. “And Pidge?”

“Can we come in?”

“Of course.” He stepped aside to make room for his visitors and sat on his bed, looking expectantly at the two. Pidge joined him soon after, equally confused at Shiro's behavior. 

“So… what is it you wanted?” Keith asked, urging him on. 

“I think you guys should know that what you're doing isn't… safe.” 

“But Shiro, Keith and I-”

“Are in love, I get it. But you can't let your emotions get in the way of your own well being.”

“Shiro, I don't think-” 

“Just a minute, Keith.” He held out a hand as if to calm the younger two, who looked more baffled than anything. “You guys may not know that what you're doing could have severe consequences. There's not exactly contraceptives out here, and what if Pidge got pregnant? Keith, as much as I trust you, I don't think you're ready to be a father. And Pidge, it wouldn't be safe for you, either.” 

Keith blinked once. Twice. A third time. 

“What.” Pidge looked at him over her glasses, and frowned lower than he'd ever seen. 

“What,” Keith echoed. 

“What are you even talking about?” 

“Please don't try to play dumb with me,” Shiro begged. “I saw that you two were going to the showers alone together. As a  _ couple.  _ And I fully support your relationship. But you can't let that relationship involve unsafe-” He cleared his throat. “-activities.”

“Wait.” Pidge held her hands up, as if steadying herself. She looked back and forth between Keith and Shiro several times before staring incredulously back at Shiro. “You don't think- ohhhhh boy.” She sighed again. “Look, Shiro. You've got it all wrong. We weren't- doing what you think we were.” 

He looked at the kids before him. One looked at him like he was crazy. The other looked lightheaded at the mere subject. Shiro felt his face heating at a rapid rate, and he was reminded of middle school health all over again. He was horrified. “I just thought- because- and-”

“Look.” Keith spoke for the first time in several minutes. “You thought wrong, Shiro. Pidge and I were talking about video games.”

“Video games.”

“Yes, video games. And I went back to my own room as soon as we got to the showers. No sex went on last night.”

“So you're telling me that you weren't-”

“No,” she confirmed. “We weren't. Although, if you and a certain someone needed to take care of things…” 

Shiro cleared his throat. He never wanted to speak again. He didn't bother to acknowledge her last comment before excusing himself. “Sorry about all that. I'll just, uh- get going now.” 

Behind him, Pidge groaned, and he wondered if he had just ruined all three of their days. 


	5. Ongoing Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels a bit short compared to some of the previous chapters, so I apologize. But I at least made it over 1k words, which is my personal minimum, so I'm not too worried.  
> I hope y'all enjoy!

Pidge had to rethink a few things. Every time she tried going to Keith with every intention to have a serious conversation with him, it went to crap. This time, he had to come to her. 

On a less hectic day, she waited for Keith. She knew he got restless — his idea of relaxing was swimming laps, for crying out loud! — and it’d only be a matter of time before he passed her. Maybe a bit more time than she thought. Luckily, a number of the Castle of Lions’ hallways had ledges along the walls that were akin to conveniently placed benches. 

Finally, his familiar silhouette came her way. 

“Keith,” she called from her seat and patted the spot next to her. “I needed to talk to you.”

He came to an abrupt stop, and turned to her with a question in his throat. Slowly, he went to sit by her. Pidge folded her legs under each other to face him, and her fingers tangled together to calm her nerves. She peered around him, and then over her shoulder. No one else could hear what she needed to ask. 

“You're acting strange.” 

“What?” Pidge's head snapped back towards him in disbelief. 

“You've seemed weird these past few days.” He looked as confused at her recent behavior as she felt about his. 

_ She  _ was the one acting strange? He took not a split second to switch between being himself and acting like her lover, all the while being more tense than she ever saw him before. Pidge crossed her arms and frowned at him. “I've just needed to ask you something and haven't been able to, okay?” 

He mirrored her defensive pose. His arms were crossed as he leaned back to look down at her. “Fine. Ask me.” 

“Seriously?” She threw her arms up in disbelief. “Don't act like that.” 

“You started it.” 

“What are you, twe-” 

“Ooh! Is this a lover's quarrel I hear?” 

Pidge wanted to screamed. “What on Earth, Lance? Butt out! And you know it's not like that.” 

“Is it though?” he laughed to himself. “Anyway. You may not be a real couple, but you sure  _ sound  _ like one. It's kinda gross, really.” 

The other two glared at him. 

“Do you have anything  _ else _ to share?” Pidge quipped, ready to shove him away herself. She was going to have this conversation with Keith if it killed her. 

“Just ask him and get it over with.” And with a flippant wave he was gone, saying something about needing to find Hunk. 

Pidge and Keith stared at him as he left. The hallway was still except for the quickly disappearing footsteps. Once he was gone, they looked back at each other in silence. Several beats passed. 

“So… what did you want to ask me?” Unlike before, he wasn't taking a combative posture.

She couldn't think of what to say for several moments. Finally, she decided on, “I have no idea how you feel about… this.” 

“This?” 

“You know….” Once again, Pidge surveyed their surroundings for unwanted listeners. Another appearance from Lance would have been humiliating and anyone else would be ten times worse. She then gestured in the space between them. “This.  _ Us.  _ Well, not  _ us,  _ us, but the us that isn't an us. I mean, with the plan and all…” 

Keith nodded, but didn't look any less in the dark than before. “I don't get what you mean.” 

“You've been acting weird since this whole situation started! Yeah, neither of us have ever dated — at least I'm assuming you've never dated before, and if you have I'd be even more confused — but you're being too awkward to pass it off as being first girlfriend jitters.”

“I don't get it.”

“One moment you're being lovey dovey to me at the breakfast table, the next you're practically panicking from holding hands, and then we're sparring like there's no fake relationship in the first place! I don't get it, and I want to get it. I may avoid deep conversations with you all, but I don't want you always freaking out inside. I'd rather stage a fake breakup than have you struggle through this.” 

Pidge and Keith suddenly found the other wall far more interesting than each other. She could feel her face heat up the same way it had when she walked out of the bathroom with her dress tucked into her underwear in second grade. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

“Sorry.” 

She looked back up at him. “What?” 

“For making you anxious,” he clarified. 

“You weren't making me anxious, really,” she denied. “I just don't understand you. I like understanding things.” 

Keith laughed silently. That was the understatement of the century. “I don't think there's much to understand,” he told her. 

“There's got to be.”

“I won't die from holding your hand, if that's what you're worried about.” 

“Sure didn't seem like it to me,” she muttered. There was no way Keith could hide how tense, restless, and rigid he'd been earlier. Pidge found herself wondering about his life on Earth — not that she'd ever admit it. 

Before she could ask him more, he lurched forward, pulling her into a weirdly positioned hug. Her first instinct was to yelp, push him away, and ask him what he thought he was doing. But the heavy, uniform footsteps echoing behind her gave away exactly who was walking by in that moment. She bit her tongue, and buried her mouth into Keith's shoulder to stifle the squawk of surprise that wanted to escape. Even as her hands reached around to grasp his back, he tensed beneath her, and she hoped it wasn't visible to Shiro. If he didn't look too closely, they surely would look like a couple having an intimate moment. Maybe he would rush past them, guilty for looking in on something private. 

His footsteps stopped. 

Pidge heard a short chuckle just behind her. “You two look kinda cute together like that.” 

And then he was gone. 

They could finally catch their breaths. Shiro’s comment didn't go unnoticed though, and Pidge found herself cursing the very words. 

They weren't supposed to be cute. They didn't _go_ together the way Shiro and Allura did. 

But thinking of the two of them, stuck in a never-ending dance with enough pining and flirting to make a girl go mad, she decided that their charade could continue, if only for the sake of  _ real  _ love.

 

* * *

 

Hunk wasn't surprised when Lance found him in the kitchen. It wasn't the most private of meeting places, but it was convenient. Hunk found it easiest to gather his thoughts when he could do something with his hands, and he still had mounds of alien vegetables to learn about. 

“Lance, I'm so glad you're here! Taste this,” he demanded, holding out a spoon of experimental soup. “I'm thinking it needs a kick — like ginger maybe? — but I haven't found a good equivalent yet.” 

He tasted it, thought for a moment, and nodded. “Yeah, I get that. Why don't you try that bright red thing over there? Or maybe that twisty thing that looks like a root.” 

“Genius.” 

“Thank you my friend, that's why I'm here.” He then paused, looking back at Hunk. “Come to think of it, why am I here? By the sounds of it earlier, you wanted to talk about more than just soup.” 

“You're right. I figured you'd be the one to ask. There's something I've been wondering about,” he said. He didn't have to mention that Lance was his closest friend since entering the Garrison, and the only person he'd trust with his suspicions. 

“Shoot.”

“Do you know what's going on with Pidge and Keith?” he asked lowly. He'd hunched slightly, getting in close to Lance’s face, for fear of someone walking in at any moment. 

At his question, Lance leaned back, an eyebrow raised. “What do you mean?” 

“Well they're the most socially withdrawn people I know. I can't believe they of all people would suddenly start dating. You seem all for it, but I just don't get it. None of this adds up.” 

“It wasn't that sudden though, was it?” Lance challenged. “They said this has been going on for a week, but maybe they've liked each other even longer. Maybe they found each other in a moment of angst, or something. Like you said, they're socially withdrawn. They probably just didn't want us to know.” 

Hunk eyed him suspiciously. He was deflecting things. Try as he might have, Lance couldn't lie to him and get away with it; they'd spent too much time together at the Garrison to not learn each other's tells. 

“I'm sure you're right.” 

Hunk was certain. Three of his closest friends were hiding something from him, and he was going to find out why. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! As I was writing this chapter, a lot of ideas for a new series of events came to mind, but I realized I'd written myself into a hole of sorts with the past couple of chapters.  
> But I'll survive! Nothing from my plans for this story has changed drastically. We are on course for more Kidge to come!


	6. Newfound Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Development? In this story? It's more likely than you think!
> 
> #letkeithsleep2k17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I actually wrote a chapter that's longer than 2k words. I'm so proud of myself.

There was something freeing about having a talk with your fake girlfriend, Keith had come to learn. He no longer felt the need to grab her by the shoulders every five minutes and ask her what the restlessness was for. Fidgety people unsettled him; they said to him that something was wrong. He had to run. Get away. Anything. 

And to learn that the danger to Pidge was whether she hurt his feelings? Something inside of Keith unwound, like a sigh breaking free after so long holding his breath. 

Despite it all, he still didn't pay much attention during dinner. Allura recounted to the crew something endearing that the mice had done earlier that day, and Shiro laughed the loudest, but it was all muffled to Keith. Sleep was an escape artist, and focus started to slip away. In attempts to distract himself from his fatigue, he thought about his tension around Pidge instead. 

“Come with me.” He grabbed her hand as soon as they were excused, and if he looked back, he would’ve seen the protest evident on her face. 

This time, there was no armor to shield their hands from each other. Even with his gloves, he could feel the calluses of her short, cold fingers. Her hand quickly grew warm in his as they walked silently towards his room. Hot. Sticky. It was kind of gross, really, but Keith had touched worse things in his life, and if the hand he was holding wasn't attached to an overwhelmingly human Pidge, the sweat wouldn't have phased him a bit. 

When they reached his room, she yanked her hand away. “What on Earth?” 

Keith decidedly didn't point out that they weren't on Earth. 

“What's this all about?” Pidge crossed her arms and scowled up at him. “You said you'd stop acting weird.” 

“I never said that,” was his immediate response. He quickly shook his head to regain focus, and let out a voiceless huff. “I mean, that's not important. I wanted to talk.” 

“We already do that.” 

“I mean, as,” Keith paused as he searched for a fitting word, “as friends.” 

“We're crew mates. Isn't that enough? I wasn't aware that being friends was in the job description.” She crossed her arms indignantly, and he suspected that the mere suggestion of knowing each other on a deeper level had her reeling. He didn't blame her. 

But they had a bigger goal at hand besides playing nice. “Not if we want to sell this dumb charade to the rest of the crew.” 

Keith watched as she opened and closed her mouth repeatedly with eyes flickering in every direction but his. After several moments of evasion, she looked at him. “Fine,” she said, and plopped herself into his bed to stare at the ceiling. “Talk to me. Be my friend.”

She had no trouble making herself comfortable anywhere, Keith mused to himself. Something in the back of his mind compared her to a noodle. He gave a light-hearted sigh and, in defeat, sat beside her sprawled out form. “I don't think that's how it works.” 

“Well,” she said from behind him, “why not?” 

“I don't know,” he admitted, “it just doesn't.” 

“Fine. I'll start. Cause I've gotta do all the work around here.” Keith heard her sigh heavily from behind him, but had no way of knowing if she was actually upset. Her feet swung back and forth off the edge of his bed, and he suspected her tone was all sarcasm. That eased his mind only slightly. “So what's the weirdest place you've ever been to?” 

“What?” 

“I'm making conversation.” 

“Oh.” Keith had to think for a moment before saying, “Probably the swap moon.” 

“Really?” Pidge's legs stopped swinging. “It seemed like a pretty normal mall to me. Except for the aliens, of course.” 

“You can't deny its weirdness, though.” He moved to sit cross-legged, and faced her. “Besides, I've never been to a normal mall.” 

He could see Pidge coil up, like she wanted to shoot up at him. Her glasses shifted slightly as she shook her head in disbelief. “You've never been to a mall before? You're telling me that was your very first mall experience, and it was in space?” Under her breath, she muttered, “Hardcore.” 

“I didn't think it was that weird to have never gone to a mall before.” Keith decided it was about time he relaxed more, because wasn't that the point of this conversation? He turned again, and lay down beside her. The cushion beneath his back forced a yawn from him, and fighting another from escaping, he shifted his attention. He noticed that his feet hit the ground, while hers hung loosely. “Anyway. What about you?” 

“The Bigfoot Museum,” she answered without hesitation. 

“What.” 

“It exists! My family visited once on our vacation to California. It's this little cabin house in the redwoods, filled top to bottom with Bigfoot… everything. The two guys who run the place are total believers. Maybe a bit wack, but I think they mostly want people to agree with them and give them money.” She went on to tell him everything that made the obscure house the weirdest place she'd ever been to. 

He came to believe that listening to Pidge was more demanding of his eyes than his ears. She recalled feelings with her eyes, and described objects with her hands, and even her mouth grew to a comical grin as she relived the hilarity. 

“And don't  _ ever _ ask the owners if there's a difference between Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman.” 

“Do I want to know?” 

Her voice was comically dark as she said,”Just don't do it.” 

He couldn't help the laugh that escaped, surprising even himself. But the image of an even smaller Pidge, surrounded by Bigfoot merch and being told by two old conspiracists that yes, there  _ is _ a difference between Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman, was too much to bear. Soon, he was gasping for air with tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. He felt Pidge shift beside him. When he eventually caught his breath, he looked over to find that she’d turned over to face him with her head propped up on a hand. He couldn't identify her expression, but her mouth hung slightly. 

“What's with that look?” 

“I don't think I've ever seen you laugh like that. It was cool, I guess.” After a beat, she added, “It wasn't all that funny though, what I said.” 

Keith didn't know what to say. Of course he laughed. He didn't know what Pidge found so special about it. Laughter was laughter. At the end of the day, he didn't go searching for jokes and games the same way people like Hunk and Lance did. Finally, he said, “Your voice was just funny.” Wait. That didn't sound right. 

But then Pidge was giggling, sputtering sounds that barely passed as words, and he cringed when he felt a brief spray from her lips. At least he didn't make her mad. He’d take her laughter over anger any day. Through the sounds, he made out the words, “That's your explanation?” 

“Yes?” 

“Well then you're funny,” she said when she calmed down. 

How was he supposed to respond to that? “Um. Thanks, I think.” 

“I just mean you're interesting. It's a good thing, don't worry.” She waved her free hand in assurance. 

“Interesting? The weirdest place I've been to is a mall.” 

“A  _ space _ mall,” she added pointedly. 

“A space mall.” 

“And besides,” Pidge continued, “when we make it back, there's not gonna be a person on Earth who won't find us interesting.” She accented her words with a large, sweeping gesture above their heads.

“I guess you're right.” He didn't acknowledge the emphasis she put on using the word when. To Keith, everything was an if. Maybe he had something to learn from Pidge.  

Her silence gave another yawn a chance to escape. If she said something after that, he wouldn't have known. The only thing on his mind was the plush of the bed, the warmth in his chest, and the steady presence of someone lying by his side. Before he knew it, he'd drifted out of consciousness. Sleep had found him.

 

* * *

 

Pidge didn't want to move. She tried to steady her breathing as Keith dozed off. She watched the even rise and fall of his chest, the light brush of his eyelashes above his cheeks. She'd never seen him so relaxed; he was always on his guard, ready to fight, defend,  _ do,  _ at a moment's notice. But she actually saw him like this. The sight was not unlike Altea’s green goo: foreign, startling, unfamiliar. Pidge found that it wasn't as unpalatable though, and a small smile played at her lips as she gazed at him. 

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered how little sleep he was getting to have fallen asleep in a state like this, in the middle of a conversation. She knew most of their crew didn't get much sleep as it was, but the past couple of days, or whatever constituted as a day in space, had been relatively quiet. 

She took the courage to nudge him as gently as she could, and whisper his name. When he didn't respond, she nudged him again, slightly harder. He still didn't stir. 

Maybe it was the manners her parents taught her, or maybe it was even something akin to sympathy, but she didn't feel right just leaving him there. Finally, she forced herself to sit up. She sighed at the loss of comfort, then chided herself for finding his bed so comfortable in the first place. Standing, with a better view, she noticed the perfect tuck of his sheets. Even after months at the Garrison, no teenage boy she knew could make a bed that neat. There was no doubt in her mind that those sheets never left their place. 

After huffing to herself and wrestling with the laces, she pulled his shoes off. The problem in front of her was not the unmistakable smell of feet, however. Keith, while not a large person, was significantly taller than Pidge. And while sleeping, he was dead weight. 

She squared her shoulders and pulled the sheets down around his lying form. With effort, she was able to get his legs onto the bed. When the time came to maneuver his body underneath the sheets, he stirred. 

“Huh?” He might have mumbled her name from groggy lips as he squinted up at her, but all Pidge heard was her instincts screaming at her.  _ Abort, abort, abort!  _

A yelp came from the back of her throat as she backed away. With sweaty palms and panic in her chest, she bolted.

 

* * *

 

Hunk was on a mission. When he saw Keith whisk Pidge away, her face told him everything he needed to confirm his suspicion; there was no way they were a real couple. If Lance wouldn't tell him, he would just have to go to the source. So he searched. 

They weren't on the training deck. They weren't in any of the hangers. He even searched the showers, and tried not to think of what it would do to his theory if he found them together there. As he made his way to the paladin bedrooms, he contemplated the possibility of a lovers’ quarrel being the culprit for the foul expression he saw after dinner. Before he could rethink everything, Pidge came shooting out of the red paladin’s bedroom. Last time Hunk checked, she wasn't the red paladin. 

“Hey Pidge, what's up?” 

When she turned to face him, he saw his friend tight lipped and wide eyed. 

“Absolutely nothing,” she said, airy, frantic. 

“What were you doing in Keith's room?” 

“He's my boyfriend, and it's none of your business.” 

There was no point in beating around the bush. Over his shoulder, he called, “But he isn't really, right?”

“Of course not, just drop it.” And leaving him no chance to ask for an explanation, she was gone with the force of a storm, the soft woosh of her door acting like the final beat of a drum. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bigfoot Museum actually exists, and yes, I've been there. Any information about it in this chapter was from experience, and I guess I found it fitting.   
> Look it up. Be amazed.   
> Talk to me on Tumblr @rayisokay


End file.
